How to Maintain Commitment in Your Marriage

What Is Commitment?
Some people think that it springs from a sense of duty but it takes more than that. Commitment can be likened to the mortar that binds the bricks of a sturdy house. Mortar is made from a combination of ingredients such as sand, cement, and water. Similarly, commitment is formed from a combination of factors such as, trust and friendship. But that bond can equally be weakened, lets find out how.

The Challenges:
Commitment in itself requires a lot of hard work, and self Sacrifice, and readiness to forgo your own preferences so to please your mate. Although some might think that the idea of pleasing the other partner than oneself and giving without asking back is outdated and out of fashion, but if your family happiness is important to you, then the principle of self sacrifice will not be option to you. Marriage also demands a lot of hard work and patience, in some cases even marriage mates who are unselfish do not always acknowledge each other anxieties or value their mates sacrifices. it could be disastrous because when a couple fails to show appreciation for each other, their marriage is bound to cause them tribulation in their flesh than it would otherwise. so in other for your marriage to survive hard times and thrive smoothly, you need to develop a long term view of your relationship. But you might be committed to your relationship and your mate is not, so how can you equally make your mate to be committed to the relationship as well?
How To Strengthen Commitment

What to Look for in a Mate When Preparing for Marriage

Everyone has choices and what they will want their mate to possess. some though have made so many mistakes in setting unrealistic standards and these standards and unnecessary choices has made a lot of people who are of marriage age remain unmarried.
It is not wrong to set standards or have choices as explained above, but the point is making a reasonable and realistic choice is a great key to finding a suitable mate as well as happiness in a marriage. when you approach someone of the opposite sex whom you find attractive or that you want to settle down with, feel free to approach the person after you have done proper self scrutiny, you might start by asking yourself, Is marriage really my intention? you need to be sure before you proceed because it is very wrong to toil with someones emotion. there are some cases you approach someone of the opposite sex with sincere intention and the response you get is negative. in that case you do not have to force yourself on someone or become pushy or even beg someone to pity you and fall in love. if that should happen it can later lead to frustration, so do not persist to the point of being objectionable, remember that the other person has a right to make choices too and you might not be the persons choice.
Compatibility: you obviously need a mate that is compatible with you. you do not

How to Prepare for a Successful Marriage (part 1)

Preparing for marriage requires careful preparation just like building a house. Before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and the plans drawn up, so typically like building a house, it is very wise to sit down first and count the cost of it both financially and in terms of commitment to determine the readiness so that you wont make a mistake that will lead to regrets. in this article we will see how to prepare for a successful marriage that will bring lasting joy and happiness.
To have a success of marriage,  you first need to have a realistic view of it both the blessings and the cost of being married. there are vital questions you need answers to that will surely guide you to a successful marriage.
1.) How can you tell if you are ready for marriage?
2.)What should you look for in a mate?
3.)How can you make a success of courtship?
ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?
The first step here is to tell your self the truth. marriage is sweet but

Important Questions to Consider Before You Say "I DO"

The wedding day is usually a very happy and celebrated day in a persons life and the major keyword for that day is "I DO" which signifies an agreement to leave your parents and stick to your new partner and that agreement is supposed to be binding for as long as you both are alive.
Every one alive especially women loves to be loved and one way they can be very much assured of your love is when you are ready and willing to take them down the aisle, some times some might accept to marry for the wrong reason and end up regretting their decision and in most cases it leads to seperation or even a divorce. there are some certain things you need to confirm before you go ahead to say i do.
 Things to Consider Before the Agreement:
1.What are The

How to Prepare for a Successful Marriage(part 2)Getting a Mate

 

What  to Look  for  in  a Mate:   (Read the part 1 here!)
Everyone has choices and what they will want their mate to possess. some though have made so many mistakes in setting unrealistic standards and these standards and unnecessary choices has made a lot of people who are of marriage age remain unmarried.
It is not wrong to set standards or have choices as explained above, but the point is making a reasonable and realistic choice is a great key to finding a suitable mate as well as happiness in a marriage. when you approach someone of the opposite sex whom you find attractive or that you want to settle down with, feel free to approach the person after you have done proper self scrutiny, you might start by asking yourself, Is marriage really my intention? you need to be sure before you proceed because it is very wrong to toil with someones emotion. there are some cases you approach someone of the opposite sex with sincere intention and the response you get is negative. in that case you do not have to force yourself on someone or become pushy or even beg someone to pity you and fall in love. if that should happen it can later lead to frustration, so do not persist to the point of being objectionable, remember that the other person has a right to make choices too and you might not be the persons choice.
Compatibility: you obviously need a mate that is compatible with you. you do not have to be in a relationship with someone with a different idea believes or that your character or personality is different from, understanding yourself might be very difficult. do not look for a mate that is wise, or that knows everything, marry someone who is teachable and quick to make adjustments when needed.
You do not have to look for a perfect mate, you can always love that imperfect person perfectly.
Physical appearance: it is not entirely bad or wrong if your mate is physically endowed or attractive, but placing emphasis on someones appearance when it comes to marriage can lead to a disastrous end. inner qualities and beauty should always come first and the paramount consideration before anything else for you to make a success of marriage.
The truth is: you can never find anyone who shares your entire beliefs, ideas, values and your thoughts.do not ask: "Do we agree on everything? it might be wise to rather ask: "What happens when we disagree?"
If you want to get married, be wary of anyone who is proud and opinionated, never willing to compromise, or who constantly demands and schemes to have his or her own way.
Find  Out  Before Hand
There are some basic questions that can help you analyze properly the person you want to marry, For example, a woman might ask, “What kind of reputation does this man have? Who are his friends? Does he display self-control? How does he treat elderly persons? What kind of family does he come from? How does he interact with them? What is his attitude toward money? Does he abuse alcoholic beverages? Is he temperamental, even violent? Could I deeply respect him?” A man might ask, “Does this woman display love and respect? Is she capable of caring for a home? What will her family expect of us? Is she wise, industrious, thrifty? What does she talk about? Is she genuinely concerned about the welfare of others, or is she self-centered, a busybody? Is she trustworthy? Is she willing to submit to headship, or is she stubborn, perhaps even rebellious?”
Although the above questions will surely help you to analyze things, but you should still give room for imperfections, do not expect a replica of a hero or a heroine from a romance movie or novel, every human on earth have shortcomings or limitations and some of these will have to be overlooked by the both partners.
What, though, if you notice things that trouble you deeply? Such doubts should be considered carefully. However romantic you may feel or however anxious you may be to get married, do not close your eyes to serious faults. If you have a relationship with someone about whom you have serious reservations, it is wise to discontinue the relationship and to refrain from making a lasting commitment to that person.

How to Prepare for a Successful Marriage (part 1)

Preparing for marriage requires careful preparation just like building a house. Before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and the plans drawn up, so typically like building a house, it is very wise to sit down first and count the cost of it both financially and in terms of commitment to determine the readiness so that you wont make a mistake that will lead to regrets. in this article we will see how to prepare for a successful marriage that will bring lasting joy and happiness.

To have a success of marriage,  you first need to have a realistic view of it both the blessings and the cost of being married. there are vital questions you need answers to that will surely guide you to a successful marriage.

1.) How can you tell if you are ready for marriage?
2.)What should you look for in a mate?
3.)How can you make a success of courtship?

ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?
The first step here is to tell your self the truth. marriage is sweet but very challenging, are you ready for the commitment needed to keep a marriage? there are some of your personal likes or traits that you might have to let go, remember that you will leave your father and mother and even siblings to start a family with someone from a different background and upbringing.
Commitment is needed for you to stick with one person in a marriage, unlike when you were dating, you will not have the liberty anymore to date or try another relationship even if you are not enjoying your present relationship.
Sexual relations outside your home destroys the family and must be avoided, so you need to ask yourself if you are willing to keep yourself for your mate alone, do you love your mate enough not to desire someone else but him or her?
Do not rush into marriage or marry because your friends or everyone around you is getting married, or simply because you see someone enjoying his or marriage so you start fantasizing about it and want to experience it, you need to have a clear and realistic view of marriage before you delve into it.
The truth: although there are some who actually enjoy their marriage, but there might not really be any home without its own problems or challenges, but some are wise enough to let love lead and settle inside before coming out, so you might not see the problems because they have settled it, but you might not have known how enormous the challenge was.
Maturity contributes to a successful marriage too. getting married when the sexual desire is hot can be detrimental or even lead to regrets in marriage. peoples likes and preferences change with time, people who get married too early might feel they made a mistake later when their likes or preferences likely change. so many marriages that fail today are as a result of early marriage and changed or failed expectations.

KNOW YOURSELF FIRST
Marriage will not change your personality. you need to know yourself first, what qualities do you have? what traits do you possess that can lead to a success in marriage? what kind of husband or wife will you make? are you always complaining, or easy to push blames to another person, or are you quick to admit mistakes? Are you gloomy or optimistic?
In choosing a mate or preparing for marriage you need to know yourself first, then your mate. you necessarily do not have to look for your twin in personality because there can never be!but you can honestly look for a mate that his or her personality will compliment yours. for instance, if you are a gloomy or pessimistic kind, what do you think would happen if you marry someone with the same nature? or if you are quick tempered, what will be the out if you marry someone of the same nature and a quarrel or misunderstanding arises between the both of you? when you have traits that needs to work on, its best you work on it before going into marriage because it might poss a challenge to your marriage. no matter how deep rooted your flaws are, with strong determination and effort, you will always conquer. you need to change your personality especially the faulty ones and put on a new one that will compliment your mate.

To be continued...

How to Maintain Commitment in Your Marriage

What Is Commitment?
Some people think that it springs from a sense of duty but it takes more than that. Commitment can be likened to the mortar that binds the bricks of a sturdy house. Mortar is made from a combination of ingredients such as sand, cement, and water. Similarly, commitment is formed from a combination of factors such as, trust and friendship. But that bond can equally be weakened, lets find out how.



The Challenges:

Commitment in itself requires a lot of hard work, and self Sacrifice, and readiness to forgo your own preferences so to please your mate. Although some might think that the idea of pleasing the other partner than oneself and giving without asking back is outdated and out of fashion, but if your family happiness is important to you, then the principle of self sacrifice will not be option to you. Marriage also demands a lot of hard work and patience, in some cases even marriage mates who are unselfish do not always acknowledge each other anxieties or value their mates sacrifices. it could be disastrous because when a couple fails to show appreciation for each other, their marriage is bound to cause them tribulation in their flesh than it would otherwise. so in other for your marriage to survive hard times and thrive smoothly, you need to develop a long term view of your relationship. But you might be committed to your relationship and your mate is not, so how can you equally make your mate to be committed to the relationship as well?

How To Strengthen Commitment

1). Make Your Marriage A Priority: we all have priorities, and we all equally have scale of preference, to maintain a healthy family life, your marriage should come second to nothing in your overall scale of preference (you can read the bible book of Philippians 1:10) the bible calls it more important thing. God also values the way husband and wife treat each other. And you gain favor from God when you treat each other with respect. Your mate should come first in anything you do in your life. Try and ask yourself, How much time do I set aside for my mate? Ask yourself again, what specific thing have I done to reassure my mate that we are still good friend.The amount of time you invest in your relationship really matters to your mate because it shows how much committed you are to the relationship.

Try and find out from your mate to know how the other partner feels you are taking the relationship, to do this in a practical way, take a piece of paper and write down the following, Money, Work, Entertainment, Marriage, and Friends. Then mark what you believe to be your spouses priorities and ask your mate to do the same, then exchange the list, by so doing you will find out what your mate feels is taking more of your attention, then discuss with your mate to find out if there is a way to make amend that is if something else seems to be taking priorities other than your mate. Also try to find out what catches more of your mate interest in other to make him or her happier.

2) Avoid All Forms Of Infidelity: Try and avoid anything that might lead to unfaithfulness. if we remember the words of Jesus in the Bible book of (matthew5:28)when you keep looking at a woman to have passion for her you have already committed adultery with her in your heart, and that applies to women too. Adultery is a seed, when it is sown in the heart and is regular watered then it becomes fertile, then the heart will be led astray. Pornography is one tool that can lead the heart astray, some think that it is an adult movie, but truthfully, it is a film for young children and youth who are scared of tomorrow. So for you to avoid infidelity in your marriage, you must make a solemn vow never to watch pornography with or without your mate.

Dangers of pornography: It presents women as mere sex toys, and the performances there might be difficult for your mate to carry out, and you may start feeling you married the wrong person because the Bible says that expectation postponed is making the heart sick. So pornography presents a feeling of self worthlessness to the one watching it. So try and make a covenant with your eyes never to view anything displeasing to your mate present or not.

Try and guard your heart from forming an inappropriate attachment to a member of the opposite sex. you might consider it to be a harmless friendship, but remember that you can not tell the other person mind and motive, and secondly, the heart is very deceptive and can lead one astray before one can get hold of his senses.

Ask your self the following questions: To whom am I most attracted to, my spouse or to someone else? With who do I share good news first-my spouse or someone else? if my mate ask me to limit my contact with an associate of the opposite sex, how would I react? would I be resentful or would I happily make the requested change? These and many more are what you ask yourself to evaluate your relationship with anyone other than your mate.

If you find yourself attracted to a member of the opposite sex or anyone other than your mate, then you should limit your contact with that one to only what is necessary and keep all encounters on purely professional level. Try not to focus on ways you think this person is superior to your mate. Instead focus on your mates positive qualities. Then try also to reflect on the basic reasons why you fell in love with your mate then ask yourself if those beautiful attributes has been lost or is it just you who has failed to see them anymore.

Take the initiative to make whatever needed adjustment your relationship would need to survive any great storm in your marriage.

Whether your marriage is stable or strained, your mate need to know that you are committed to making the marriage a success. Try as hard as you to convince your mate that you want your marriage to succeed no matter what comes it way.

Divorce should not be an option when there is a difficulty in your marriage make sure you try to resolve all minor problems before they blow up and become bigger problems that can lead to dissolving of a happy union, remember also that God is the originator of marriage, so when there is a heavy storm in the boat of a marriage then practical advice should be sort from the bible.

Read this book and apply all its advice and you find yourself more committed to your mate, and you derive the best from your mate and that will lead to a more fulfilling and happy marriage. In a marriage, misunderstanding that can sometimes lead to a quarrel is not always unusual especially when the couples just got married. these two individuals(husband and wife) are people from different family background, race, religion, ethnic, and so many differences that might exist between them before they married. in each of the households issues are handled differently matters are treated in different ways, standards and values are different, with different upbringing and training.

With the above enumerations you can be able to deduce that a misunderstanding or even quarrel must exist between them till they understand each other perfectly, accept their new roles as members of a new family and create a new set of standards and values.

When couples get married, there is always struggle and battle for supremacy, who should set acceptable standards and values, who should lead, and who should be lead? those are always subject for their battles for supremacy.
cultures vary from place to place about the acceptable answer as to who should lead, but our concentration here is not who should lead, but how to resolve a resultant dispute that might arise in a family.

There are practical advice to follow, like the bible says, women should be in subjection to their own husbands. from that statement its obvious that the man should take the lead.

When you get married, there are certain characters your spouse will exhibit that you would never believe he is capable of. this happens because a relationship is like looking at a white paper with little stain on it from a distance, you can hardly see the stain, so when in courtship, those traits that are like a stain on a white paper will never show until after marriage, when you bring the white paper closer you will be able to see the stain, likewise after marriage when you start living together you will then see those bad behaviors you never knew existed.

When there is a misunderstanding, try to settle it before it will generate to a quarrel, if your partner exhibits fits of anger and start raing abusive speech on you, it takes only your inner strength to be able to avoid picking a quarrel and returning the insult.

What you need do is, no matter what he says, before answering, smile, make sure you smile deeply and also from the heart, then take a deep breath in, and then exhale gently, then with your smile still on you, try to sue for peace.

When you do that and you get the process your partner will notice that you are not in the mood for a fight and will surely be embarrassed and also sue for peace, even apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

To get full details why some Men cheat on their wife and what can be done,click here!